The key point that appears to confuse many men and their sexual partners when it comes to delayed ejaculation is that even though orgasm and ejaculation feel like one and the same thing, these are, in fact, two different reactions.
The explosive sensation of orgasm is a mental event, which is experienced purely as a chemical and synaptic interaction inside your head, although it is also accompanied by pleasurable sensations throughout the body.
In direct contrast, ejaculation is a reflex reaction which is induced by sufficient stimulation to the male organ and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body. The absence of ejaculation therefore implies some failure of the ejaculatory mechanism.
Read more about anorgasmia here. Much research is still needed to find where orgasmic pleasure is felt within the brain, but we do know quite a lot about the neural connections by which the physical function of ejaculation is triggered.
There are different viewpoints but one suggestion is that when sexual arousal reaches a certain point, the flow of ejaculatory fluids near the farthest point of the the urethra increases the pressure at the root of the erect organ, and this in turn triggers an entire series of automatic reactions which includes flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.
Ejaculation is governed by the autonomic nervous system, while gradually heightening erotic pleasure during sex is purely a function of the voluntary nervous mechanism.
Delayed ejaculation has been known to the medical profession for years now, and evolution of the name given to this peculiar function most likely represents in a very real sense, the medical profession’s evolving understanding of this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
Personally, I’m inclined to believe that these name changes illustrate a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men who are having sexual problems with their partners because of their unique ejaculation patterns during sex.
What is particularly puzzling to medical professionals is that many of delayed ejaculation sufferers are able to climax normally from masturbation.
Given this quaint data, scientists suggest that there may be many relationship issues that correlate with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate in the course of engaging in sexual intercourse. Naturally, one must exercise an ample dose of caution when trying to find an explanation in the relationship between a couple.
It’s naturally probable that the failure to ejaculate even when a partner performs fellatio on him, during actual intercourse, or through direct manual stimulation by a partner merely represents the fact that there’s nothing in these activities that can compare to the heightened level of pleasure that an individual may have learned to perform on his own organ while pleasuring himself.
Certainly, any man can get physically accustomed to react to a specific intensity of stimulation, so it’s always wise to establish whether or not the delayed ejaculation condition simply lies in the fact that the man is able to apply hard, firm, or high-frequency pressure during self stimulation, in a manner that is not simulated in the course of sexual activity with a partner.
If the problem is, in fact, triggered by a simple incompatibility in techniques, the cure will be in the form of a physical reconditioning of the body, the penis and the mind, to respond to much more gentle pleasuring that can ultimately bring about an orgasm in the course of sexual activity. In many instances, therapists and counsellors more often than not, base their actions on the assumption that that the relationship is the primary cause of the condition.
And it might as well be. In my years of working as a therapist, I’ve met couples who have become alienated from each other and have neglected intimacy to the point where a male no longer enjoys sex, and secretly disdains the routine, while simultaneously finding himself powerless to communicate with his partner and begin a rational conversation to arrive at the resolution of these difficulties.
Moreover, even without hostility, anger, or any other adverse feelings on the part of the male towards his partner, there may well be a particular kind of personality which is prone to delayed ejaculation.
As often mentioned in scientific literature, this personality profile appears to be a person who is in some way strangely unaware of his personal process of sexual arousal, who is often unable to accept just how aroused he is while doing sexual activity, who regards sexual activity as some obligation for which he is responsible, who regards himself as responsible for his female partner’s sexual gratification, and who is convinced that her pleasure must come first and is the the most important part of sex.
These persons generally, whether consciously or not, perceive themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, thrusting rhythmically (sometimes to no avail) to bring sex to a satisfying conclusion.
It is likewise noticeable that the majority of the partners of males in this situation are often unmotivated when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that it’s the male who is obligated to bring them sexual pleasure. In fact, they are without a doubt responsible for their personal orgasm.
In such cases, it’s absolutely valuable to be able to re-educate a couple and make available some actionable sexual information. This way, the couple’s expectations and attitudes around sex and erotic gratification can be steered closer to reality.
The single recurring trait of males who have this kind of personality profile is that they tend to have a lack of awareness of their personal level of arousal. Often there appears to be a certain gap, or a veritable vacuum, in their sexual maturity, so that they have come to associate their internal process of sexual arousal with the external dynamics of having sexual activity with another person.
What I mean by this is that their internal sexual paradigm normally doesn’t serve as a watershed of sexual arousal and gratification: they are left in a sort of sexual uncertainty where they are trying to engage in sexual intercourse devoid of all the emotional and physiological tools that are important for the sex act to be an enjoyable and mutually satisfying exercise.