Although it may seem an extremely obvious thing to say, it might be something that you haven’t actually thought about: the quality of a sexual relationship (as measured by the number of orgasms and the frequency of intercourse) is a direct determinant of the satisfaction that two people feel with that relationship.
So far, so good. That might not be such a surprising conclusion: the research gets more interesting in the discovery that people who have a sexual relationship which is deeply satisfying – as measured by the criteria mentioned above – also have a good relationship in all other areas of their life; one that is far more satisfying than if they do not have a good sex relationship.
And the reason for this appears to be that a good sexual relationship produces feelings of intimacy and connection which spill over into the relationship in general.
And when a couple of partners are engaged with each other in a relationship that’s intimate and provides a sense of connection, clearly they are much more likely to be working harmoniously together to achieve objectives, they are much more likely to be getting along without arguments, and they are much more likely to be regarding each other with affection.
So what’s the message for us all here? Well I think it’s very obvious: if your sexual relationship isn’t working particularly well, you need to find ways to improve it. The most obvious way most sexual relationships between most couples in this country could be improved is to increase the frequency of female orgasm.
Regrettably it has become all too common for sexual relationships to serve as a vehicle for the man’s sexual satisfaction whilst the woman remains unsatisfied – for which you can read, she has no orgasms, or at least she doesn’t orgasm on a regular basis.
Now why this should be is an interesting question, but probably relates in the main to men’s attitude to sex and women’s desire to please (or not upset) their man by being too sexually demanding.
It’s also possible there is a reflection of a hierarchical or at least patriarchal society in this dynamic, because men have controlled women’s sexuality in the Western world (and even more so elsewhere) for a very long time.
But we are moving into a new era of enlightenment and education, and in such a period of time it’s appropriate we make efforts to ensure that sexual satisfaction is shared equally between the couples.
So this means there needs to be some way of ensuring women reach orgasm on a regular basis, and by doing so, can share in sexual satisfaction and the greater relationship, it’s been demonstrated to come from this level of orgasmic satisfaction and pleasure.
One of the websites I found on the Internet which appears to be aimed solely at getting women into a place of greater sexual pleasure, i.e. greater orgasmic frequency, is www.womencomingwithjoy.com which reviews not only the history of orgasmic relationships between men and women, but also thoroughly debates and discusses the way in which women can come to orgasm on a much more regular basis, achieving sexual pleasure they might not otherwise experience.
Now you may think there are only a few ways to bring woman to orgasm – and of course in one sense you’d be correct: there is clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, and, for the experts, G spot and cervical stimulation.
But that’s not the point I’m getting at! What I’m getting at is that there are numerous ways in which the erogenous zones responsible female orgasm can be stimulated by man to give a woman great pleasure. The least successful of these, as you may know, is intercourse.
Very few women reach orgasm during intercourse, and it appears that there are several reasons for this.
The first is that in general most women come through clitoral stimulation, and the clitoris receives very little stimulation during intercourse unless the couple take the time and trouble to use the coital alignment technique, which is specifically designed to provide clitoral stimulation.
The next problem is that men (in general) ejaculate so quickly that they aren’t able to provide enough stimulation to their woman, so that even if she could reach an orgasm during intercourse with prolonged lovemaking, she doesn’t do so.
It’s a controversial subject even now whether women have clitoral orgasms and virginal orgasms, but leaving that issue aside, it’s fair to say that most men’s quick ejaculation brings intercourse to an end long before a woman could have a chance of reaching orgasm even if she was able to.
And thirdly, sex is very much determined by the duration of the man’s arousal before he ejaculates. In other words, sex between heterosexual couples generally comes to an end when the man ejaculates, because as you almost certainly know, most men lose interest in sex after they have ejaculated.
And the difference between men and women in terms of sexual arousal and satisfaction is considerable: a lot of women who reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation will then want vaginal penetration.
The clear message of this is that if a woman is brought to orgasm by her man before he climaxes (however that is achieved), it’s much more likely to be a successful relationship than if he engages in intercourse, ejaculates, and then sex finishes with the woman unfulfilled and unsatisfied.
But all of this knowledge is useless unless you take it into a realm of techniques that can actually work for you as a couple, to obtain satisfactory sex – or even more than “satisfactory” – let’s aim for orgasmic bliss!
The website to which I’m directing you is all about sexual pleasure, and while it might not be a complete account of how to bring a woman to orgasm, or how to make a woman come if you prefer, it’s certainly a big step in the right direction.
It covers many of the aspects of sexuality which men and women don’t really know so much about – even if they’ve been in a relationship for some time.
Of course, another question is why men and women don’t discuss sex on a regular and intimate basis, but that’s another issue! What we can say with great confidence is this: when sex is going well, and providing a couple with satisfaction and pleasure, they’re much more likely to be able to talk about personally intimate issues, and as a result more likely to resolve any difficulties than they otherwise would be….